


The Silence

by DarkGamer72



Series: The Silence [1]
Category: Invader Zim
Genre: DarkGamer72, Diary, Fanfiction, M/M, One Sided ZaDr, Plot Twist, Sci-Fi, abusive, deviantART
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-22
Updated: 2012-08-22
Packaged: 2017-11-12 16:21:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 17
Words: 8,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/493239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkGamer72/pseuds/DarkGamer72
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dib is all alone. He is but one in the never-ending darkness now encasing the world, this is all he has ever wanted. To not be constantly ridiculed or labelled as a freak. He slowly begins to reveal what has happened over the previous year, especially in the past two weeks, and as you begin to piece together Dib's broken memories, it becomes more apparent that Dib is taking a slow and dark descent into madness as his mind begins to unravel over his traumatic life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Silence

2 7 / 1 0 / 1 1 - 2 3 : 3 8

Broken trees, howling winds; the moon glinting so fiercely in contrast with the darkness covering the world. Stormy skies, empty roads; the blackness stretching further than I can see, beyond the horizon.

And the silence.

The silence is intoxicating. All I ever wanted was the silence. To not be constantly ridiculed and labelled as 'crazy', when all I ever did was try to save them. They didn't deserve to be saved, anyone with two brain cells could tell. But no one understood. No one even tried to help me. All but one.

Him.

He knew.

He tried to tell me that we were all inferior, even me, to the mighty empire. He tried to destroy us all, but I was his equal. We couldn't best each other. We never won and we never lost, we just carried on fighting. And for what? Neither of us cared for the human race, we were both outcasts, rejected by our own species. We were the scum of society, human and irken alike.

He tried to tell me. I started to listen. Who cared what they thought? 'They'd all be dead soon anyway'. From day one they've been doomed. Ever since He came. The minute he stepped in that classroom I knew what he was. It didn't matter to me whether or not he was friendly, I just had to expose him. Show everyone that I wasn't crazy; that I had been right all along. And more importantly, sane.

I just wanted some recognition. He promised me it.

He told me when this was all over I would get exactly what I deserved. "When we win, and we will, the stupid pig smellies will finally see", because they'd no longer have the choice to turn their heads and ignore what was so painfully obvious that it physically hurt deep down inside of me. He told me that when this was all over I would see the stars, which is all I've ever wanted, all I've ever been interested in.

He told me such stories, of outer space, vast alien species, the mighty empire.. the things we could accomplish together.

I was..happy.

I was really and truly happy. For the first time in my life someone listened to me. Someone could relate to me. Someone believed me.

He was once the darkness filling my dreams I could only hope to wake up screaming from. He soon became the light overpowering the nightmares I'd become accustomed to.

Ever since he arrived everything I did was for him, even if it started off as hate, I soon realised I couldn't keep kidding myself. Since I was 11 my entire life revolved around him. Beating him, exposing him, destroying him. The years before were but a distant memory, slowly fading out of my mind the more I settled into my new life.

This is what I was born for. The destruction of the humans I so wrongly tried to protect. Granted I hadn't expected falling in love with my alien nemisis to be part of my self-proclaimed 'destiny'. I just wanted to watch the world burn.


	2. A Machine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dib is all alone. He is but one in the never-ending darkness now encasing the world, this is all he has ever wanted. To not be constantly ridiculed or labelled as a freak. He slowly begins to reveal what has happened over the previous year, especially in the past two weeks, and as you begin to piece together Dib's broken memories, it becomes more apparent that Dib is taking a slow and dark descent into madness as his mind begins to unravel over his traumatic life.

2 8 / 1 0 / 1 1 - 0 0 : 1 3

He was good at hiding things; good at lying. He always had been. Even from the very beginning he had lied to me, why did I think now would be any different? He promised me so much, all I had to do was give in to him and stop fighting.

I was surprised how quickly the decision came to me, but I suppose it was a small price to pay. I loved him, what other choice did I have?

I believed him, you know. I became twisted further and further into his web of lies until I was calling the shots. All he had to do was plant little seeds of ideas in my head and soon I was in charge of the whole operation. He sat back, relaxed and spurred me on with empty promises. From then on I was nothing but a machine.

I wasn't special to him, he cared for me as much as he did Gir, who he ridded himself of at the beginning of the operation.

I miss Gir, his random nonsense reminded me I wasn't insane.

Not entirely.


	3. Guard Dog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dib is all alone. He is but one in the never-ending darkness now encasing the world, this is all he has ever wanted. To not be constantly ridiculed or labelled as a freak. He slowly begins to reveal what has happened over the previous year, especially in the past two weeks, and as you begin to piece together Dib's broken memories, it becomes more apparent that Dib is taking a slow and dark descent into madness as his mind begins to unravel over his traumatic life.

2 8 / 1 0 / 1 1 - 0 0 : 4 9

You know, when I look back at it all, I don't regret it. The lies, the fighting, the pain. None of it. If I had to do it all over again I would make the same mistakes only sooner. Maybe then I could have spent more time with Him. Not as enemies, but as friends. Lovers. If I could even call us that. I was in love, He was all that mattered to me.

There was no love in Zim. He manipulated my feelings, turning my into some sick sort of guard dog. I hurt everyone that got in my way, not caring what they did to me as long as He was safe.

I was broken, inside and out. I lost sight in my right eye. He even made me a replacement arm when he sliced mine up, although he wasn't too happy about it.

I loved him before I knew what was going on. Fuck. I still love him now. I could never hate him again. Even now, after he's left me to rot.

Three nights ago he came to me in his lab, telling me to stop what I was doing, because he'd 'finally done it.' I remember looking at him skeptically. I was quiet for a moment and I could tell he was becoming impatient. I took a slow breath.

 _"You're lying."_

_He growled at me, flattening his antenna across his skull for a few moments. Anger filled his eyes, with something else that I couldn't place, before he caught himself and just gave me a sort of annoyed grimace._

_"You told me yesterday that we needed more time. When I told you I thought we could do it if you just calmed down, you got angry and threw a vial of water at me, hoping it would burn."_

_His eyes glazed over some, revelling in the memory of yet another fight of ours. Nowadays our fights could only be considered a one-sided attack from a gorgeous, defected irken on his 'pet' human._

_"YOU'RE LYING."_

_'...'_

_"Any who, I've finally done it Dib-thing," he hadn't quite kicked the habit of calling me that when he was about to start ranting, "my brilliant irken brain has finally done it. Soon the filthy hyoomans will burn. They will regret EVER ridiculing ZIM!!" He seemed rather happy with himself. I still didn't quite believe him though, but I loved his Damn smile. I didn't expect his good mood to last, he had a tendency of racing through every emotion he had 80 times a minute. He said it was near impossible to finish this by the deadline he claimed I had set, what changed all of a sudden?_

_"That's great Zim, but-"_

_He sent me a warning glare, I chose my next words carefully._

_"Zim, smeet.." I exhaled loudly. "..That's great Zim, I don't know how you did it, but you're a genius."_

_He smiled triumphantly and walked over to me. He placed his hands on my waist and yanked me close to him. Even though I towered over him, he was completely in control. His half-lidded eyes went dark and just stood there, him holding on to me. He breathed deeply. I put one arm around his waist, pulling him closer, the other up to the top of his antenna, stroking it lightly. He melted against me and began purring into my chest. We stood there for a few moments, silently, and then he lazily pushed off of me._

_"Come Dib, we have much to do."_


	4. Defective?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dib is all alone. He is but one in the never-ending darkness now encasing the world, this is all he has ever wanted. To not be constantly ridiculed or labelled as a freak. He slowly begins to reveal what has happened over the previous year, especially in the past two weeks, and as you begin to piece together Dib's broken memories, it becomes more apparent that Dib is taking a slow and dark descent into madness as his mind begins to unravel over his traumatic life.

2 8 / 1 0 / 1 1 - 0 1 : 2 1

Even though I had been skeptical at first, Zim's sheer determination was both breath taking and more than a little frightening. At least it should have been if I hadn't spent the past 7-8 years feeling the exact same thing.

I suppose I could have defeated Zim. Towards the end, we were both tired. Very, very tired. Tired of thinking up new schemes to beat one another. As we grew older our reasons changed, between his need to conquer and my need to expose him, we both realised we just wanted to win. And as we were the only 'worthy foes' as Zim put it, we continuously fought, our battles becoming more and more brutal.

_November 8th 2010 - it was any other seemingly dull day. I woke up, far too early for my liking, but I figured there was no point in staying in the house. I got changed, slowly crept down the hall, trying to avoid waking Gaz, and began my trek to the continuously-growing and over-populated highskool. The leaves were crunching beneath my feet and the brisk Autumn air nipped away at my hands, nose and ears, turning them a plump pink._

It was a quiet morning, I expected this day to be as uneventful as ever. It was too early for the skool to be open, so I decided to stop by Zim's house. Why? Well, I'm not sure even now, but at the time it seemed a good idea. 

God I wish I hadn't gone.

_I arrived at the fence of Zim's home. The neighbourhood was uncharacteristically quiet, because with Zim and Gir there was bound to be some screaming or explosions at some point._

_"ARGHHHH"_

_Ah, there it was. I skillfully avoided the knomes and peered through the window. I couldn't see anyone, but I heard more screaming. I figured Zim had spilt water on himself or something. For some weird reason the fact that Zim was hurt and it wasn't my fault bothered me, but I couldn't figure out why._

_I opened the door and poked my head through. "Hello? Zim?" I was met by another angry scream and a large thud. The walls vibrated and the sound of electrical sparks coming from deep inside Zim's base echoed throughout the house._

_I closed the door and silently walked to Zim's kitchen. Disgusted by the only entrances to Zim's base that I knew of, I decided the bin was the less noisy option, even though it was covered in what appeared to be the remains of Gir's cooking. The elevator took me lower and lower into Zims base and the clattering grew into a crescendo. I remember hearing faint laughing coming from Zims lab and it worried me. What exactly was going on down there?_

_The elevator opened to Zims lab, or what was left of it. There were wires hanging from the ceiling; broken glass scattered along the floor, spilling different chemicals that fizzed and caught fire. There was a chair hanging out of the monitoring screen where two irkens were laughing at the chaos. I knew these to be Zims leaders, his 'Tallest'. Zim was no where to be seen._

I didn't know what had happened there, but I didn't like it. The whole thing didn't make sense to me.

_"Hey!"_

_I don't know why I said it, but once it was out there I had no choice but to wait for a reply. The word hung in the air awkwardly. The Tallest abruptly stopped laughing and looked over to me._

_"Where's Zim?"_

_The Red one came closer to the screen so only his large crimson eye was in view. "Who are you?" I was surprised they could speak Human._

_"I'm Dib, protector of Earth._

_They looked at one another silently for a moment, and then began laughing even more hysterically than before. "This is..the...human you.." It couldn't even finish it's sentence._

_I stood there for a few moments as they pointed and laughed. I had enough of that at Skool. I hated how they mocked me, how they mocked Zim; although I wasn't sure why the last part bothered me, so I rushed over to the control panel and cut the transmission._

_The only light now came from the closing elevator doors, they pinged shut and I was left in the darkness. The air around me suddenly hot and thick, the silence was crushing me._

_"..Zim?"_

_Nothing._

_"Zim?"_

_I tried again._

_"Zim!"_

_A faint sob came from the corner of the room, I whirled around, "Zim? Is that you?" I walked over to where I thought the sound was coming from._

_"You shouldn't have come here Human."_


	5. Deathbed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dib is all alone. He is but one in the never-ending darkness now encasing the world, this is all he has ever wanted. To not be constantly ridiculed or labelled as a freak. He slowly begins to reveal what has happened over the previous year, especially in the past two weeks, and as you begin to piece together Dib's broken memories, it becomes more apparent that Dib is taking a slow and dark descent into madness as his mind begins to unravel over his traumatic life.

2 8 / 1 0 / 1 1 - 0 2 : 1 8

He would have figured out sooner or later that his mission was a sham. It should have been obvious. His Tallest never seemed happy with him, and when they weren't happy, I paid for it. Zim grew more violent as his Tallest began ignoring his transmissions. When they finally did accept it Zim was expecting to hear that they had been near a black hole or something and the transmissions were lost. He had no idea they were really there to tell him the truth and to ridicule him.

I hated the way they had treated him and I vowed to myself I'd make them pay.

I had no idea how to do so at the time and I still don't. I tried sending probes up once but it just caused interference with Zim's base so I sent them back down..

_He panicked so much that day, thinking the military had come to seize him or something. He tried to put on his usual ignorant façade but I saw it crack. He was scared._

_He believed I had gone around his back and betrayed him. At first he was angry, those damn spider legs shot out his pak and pinned me against the nearest wall. He punched and kicked and bit until I looked like an unrecognisable, bloody mess. I waited for him to calm down before I told him it was only a harmless probe, I was nearly unconscious by then. I think I was dying that day, it wasn't the first time he'd nearly killed me._

_He didn't apologise though, damn his arrogance. He walked away, my eyes went black and I thought to myself 'this is the end.' I even doubted whether or not he had ever cared for me, but in those brief minutes of doubt, (Or hours. Or days. Or however long I was out for) I thought that perhaps he had some ulterior motive to the feelings he'd thrust upon me._

_I awoke to the beeping of some sort of monitor, perhaps for my heart, and a blinding light cast upon my bare chest. It was some sort of medical room. I remember the distinct smell of bactine and the bitter aftertaste of antibiotics. My head was pounding and I couldn't even feel my left arm. I tried to sit up but I ached all over and I wanted nothing more than to sleep._

_"Dib..smeet, are you awake?"_

_I moaned something unintelligible and glanced over to him, he was leaning over me to check some stitches or something. Through my closed lids I saw him smirking at me, his eyes so beautifully lustful._

_"Not bad ey? How's your arm?"_

_I groaned in agony._

_"Yes, well after the..incident, you got sliced up pretty bad, Dib."_

_The soothing tones of his voice did little to calm my nerves. I couldn't remember much but what I had remembered scared me to my core. I loved him, he'd never let anything happen to me. Not really. In that moment of panic the pain returned in full force. My heart was pounding through my head, the heart monitor raced louder and louder. I just wanted it all to end._

_And it did. The pain, the noise, everything. All went dark. I drifted in and out of consciousness; I remember blood and shouting, similar to the treatment that got me there in the first place._

_What was happening to me?_


	6. He broke me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dib is all alone. He is but one in the never-ending darkness now encasing the world, this is all he has ever wanted. To not be constantly ridiculed or labelled as a freak. He slowly begins to reveal what has happened over the previous year, especially in the past two weeks, and as you begin to piece together Dib's broken memories, it becomes more apparent that Dib is taking a slow and dark descent into madness as his mind begins to unravel over his traumatic life.

2 8 / 1 0 / 1 1 – 0 3 : 0 1

I cursed myself for ever trying to hurt the irken empire. Or at the very least those damn Tallest.

_Zim didn't take the news well, after he finally patched me up he silently left me to rest. I thought that was the end of it. He constantly checked up on me, and I even thought I heard him mutter an apology each time he left. Once I was better, I made the mistake of mentioning it again._

_He broke me. Bones snapped; blood splurted; tears fell. He patched me up again, mostly._

His mood swings had become so violent I thought numerous times he was going to kill me. Not like when we were enemies. No, when we were practically children. There was something colder in his eyes now that I didn't dare cross. I think the fact that I didn't fight back spurred him on. He craved the tension, the fighting. The pain. I could never intentionally hurt him again and he knew that.

I loved him, and he still hurt me. He abused me and I let him. My feelings for him clouded my better judgement to leave him. How could I have left? Where would I have gone? I had no real home. I lived with Zim, but suffered worse abuse then anywhere else.

Why didn't I see the signs? He never loved me. It was so painfully obvious. Still, I stood by him. As loyal as ever. It's true what he said, humans were stupid.

Perhaps I was the most ignorant of all.


	7. Irken Soldier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dib is all alone. He is but one in the never-ending darkness now encasing the world, this is all he has ever wanted. To not be constantly ridiculed or labelled as a freak. He slowly begins to reveal what has happened over the previous year, especially in the past two weeks, and as you begin to piece together Dib's broken memories, it becomes more apparent that Dib is taking a slow and dark descent into madness as his mind begins to unravel over his traumatic life.

2 8 / 1 0 / 1 1 – 0 6 : 5 2

The sun is beginning to rise now. I tried to sleep but found less peace of mind in my dreams than I do when I'm awake, so I decided to wander for a bit.

After wandering down what I assumed was once a highway for a few miles I came across the remains of a familiar city. Just the sight of it should have made my heart ache. The fires had died long ago, the smoke had risen; but the ash was still raining down and the sickly-sweet smell of burning flesh still remained.

Bodies lined the streets, none of them recognisable. 

But I just kept on walking. I felt disconnected from my body, as if I was watching over someone else. Though the feeling wasn't uncommon, Zim trained me to feeling like this, so I wouldn't have second thoughts about what we were doing. What I did. Forcing me to think more like an irken soldier than anything else. I couldn't care for meaningless lives when the mission was at stake because of it.

I came across my house about 10 minutes ago. The place where I grew up. I say house and not home because it was never a home. I wasn't welcome there, it was a place to return to after a day of trying to survive. A place with a hard bed and an almost empty kitchen. I'd eat what little was there, sleep for as long as I could and leave again as soon as possible.

I should have felt something; regret, pain, sorrow. After all that I've been through I wasn't surprised I didn't. They deserved what happened to them. They all did.


	8. The Photograph

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dib is all alone. He is but one in the never-ending darkness now encasing the world, this is all he has ever wanted. To not be constantly ridiculed or labelled as a freak. He slowly begins to reveal what has happened over the previous year, especially in the past two weeks, and as you begin to piece together Dib's broken memories, it becomes more apparent that Dib is taking a slow and dark descent into madness as his mind begins to unravel over his traumatic life.

2 8 / 1 0 / 1 1 – 0 8 : 2 2

I'm still outside my house. I tried walking away, but every time I managed to get half way down the street my eyes tore back to the cooling cinders. An hour ago I forced myself to rummage through the ruins of my childhood. Although there was nothing worth saving, I feverishly dug through the filth. Searching for something. Anything. I'm not even sure what. Maybe to find something of Zim's that I'd kept. I don't know why I bothered. All I found was a faded photograph.

God how I loved it. It showed the Zim I knew, or at the least one he pretended to be. It showed how I loved him. How he lied.

I managed to take it without him knowing, which was extremely taxing because of his paranoia, and after the probe incident I was afraid he'd never trust me again.

In the photograph, Zim was clinging on to my dark blue tee. My long arms wrapped around him, shielding him from the cruel human world. He was wearing his usual attire, including my torn trench coat. He liked wearing that, said it was a sign of power. Although I like to think he wore it because it smelt of me, of his Dib.

We were stood deep within his base. I was smiling, stroking the base of his Lekku, eyes closed. Zim's eyes were open. His eyes looked lost, and hauntingly so. Somewhere along the way, perhaps before his schemes or after the Tallest had ruined his life, a part of Zim died. It took with him his last ounce of, well, humanity. Whatever feelings Zim started to feel during his years on Earth, they left him. He became numb. The empty shell of a soldier in the heat of a battle the enemy didn't know they were in.

Looking hard at the photograph, I tried my best not to cry. Dangerous tears threatened to spill over, ruining the mask I'd perfected for Zim. He said I couldn't be helped if all I did was let my pathetic human emotions get in the way. That's when he started to manipulate me, train me if you will, to think like an irken. How dare I cry when blood was shed. How could I feel guilty for those that tried to kill me first?

I love this photo because it's real. It shows Zim's true feelings and what he was turning into. And fuck do I hate what he became.


	9. Sibling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dib is all alone. He is but one in the never-ending darkness now encasing the world, this is all he has ever wanted. To not be constantly ridiculed or labelled as a freak. He slowly begins to reveal what has happened over the previous year, especially in the past two weeks, and as you begin to piece together Dib's broken memories, it becomes more apparent that Dib is taking a slow and dark descent into madness as his mind begins to unravel over his traumatic life.

**2 8 / 1 0 / 1 1  -  1 4 : 3 4**  
  
I'm so tired. All this time I thought I had been working through sleepless nights, Zim's mood swings and my beatings for something important. I thought I had been doing it for Zim. For us. Now I'm not so sure. I thought I put myself through that because I loved him. And I do. I did all of that to make him happy. He was, I think.  
  
I thought I was doing what I was supposed to do, help Zim win. Maybe I was just running away, like always. Running from my feelings, from my past. What I had done and what I was doing.  
  
The day I killed my family, I had no remorse.  
  
Zim hoped they would beg for their lives. Obviously he hadn't studied them enough over the years.    
  
I went after Gaz first. I knew she was still living at home so I dropped by for a little visit. Let's just say she wasn't happy to see me.  
  
 _"Fuck you doing here?"_  
  
 _I just stared at her. After all I've been through. "I take off for a year and this is the loving welcome I get? Come on Gaz, you can do better than that."_  
  
 _"Get out Dib, we don't want you here no more."_  
  
 _"Is that anyway to treat your big brother?"_  
  
 _"Get out Dib. I'm not asking."_  
  
 _"Shut up, it'll make this less painful. Maybe."_  
  
 _"You don't scare me." She tried to put on a brave face, but my sheer blinding confidence unnerved her. I could hear it in her voice. This was not the Gaz I once feared, and I was not the Dib she hated. I was much worse now._  
  
 _I laughed. An empty sort of bark; it was quick, like I hadn't known what laughter was. It was filled with disgust._  
  
 _"Wrong choice of words, sis."_  
  
 _She tried to threaten me, hurt me, tell me I was crazy. She thought she could intimidate me. How wrong she was._  
  
 _When I produced a long thin blade, her eyes bulged and her forehead gleamed with sweat. I'd never seen Gaz scared before that moment. She walked backwards and fell over the couch. The tv was switched on but no channels were selected, just the white noise illuminated the living room._ Zim later told me that the way it lit up my face made me look crazed, and he loved it.  
  
 _I stood over my baby sister. She looked frantically between my eyes, hoping for something. Some sort of guilt or sorrow; pain. A weakness that she might be able to latch onto and use as a means of escape. All she saw was determination._  
  
 _"Tick tock Dib" Zim cooed condescendingly. "We don't have much time." He slowly emerged from the side of the room on his pak legs, looking both bemused and annoyed at the same time._  
  
 _I looked over Gaz, I knew we didn't have much time but I didn't want her to just die. I couldn't let it be that easy. I wanted her to suffer the way I had suffered all these years._  
  
 _"Zim?" After I'd said it Zim glared at me._  
  
 _"What is it now Dib? You can't do this one little thing?"_  
  
 _He was becoming more and more annoyed at me. Gaz looked almost hopeful at what she thought was my hesitation._  
  
 _"How much time do we have?"_  
  
 _"To leave? 4 days. To kill her? 10 minutes."_  
  
 _"Not long enough, Zim."_  
  
 _He grinned evilly at me, "you don't have a choice, Human."_  
  
 _I smirked at Gaz and pinned her down. Up until now she'd just been laid on the floor, hoping to fade into the background, her life spared. She was too scared to move as she knew it would just speed up the inevitable and cause her a lot more pain than necessary. I brought the blade up to her face and slowly dragged it down. Fascinated by the trail of blood produced by the knife. It trickled down her face and onto the floor; a puddle starting to form._  
  
 _I brought the blade up to my lips and flicked my tongue out, licking the blood away. In that moment Gaz went from looking scared to terrified. She'd realised just then that I really was a stranger to her now._  
  
 _I cut her again and again, along her neck, arms and face, not as slowly as the first time but still enough to make her suffer. She screamed and tried to kick me off. I punched her in the face in an attempt to shut her up._  
  
 _I forgot the blade was still in my hand.  
_


	10. Too Fast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dib is all alone. He is but one in the never-ending darkness now encasing the world, this is all he has ever wanted. To not be constantly ridiculed or labelled as a freak. He slowly begins to reveal what has happened over the previous year, especially in the past two weeks, and as you begin to piece together Dib's broken memories, it becomes more apparent that Dib is taking a slow and dark descent into madness as his mind begins to unravel over his traumatic life.

2 8 / 1 0 / 1 1 - 1 9 : 1 2

I killed my sister on the 22nd of October, 2011, around 23:00.

I had wanted her to suffer. I felt so emotional in that one moment. I let every ounce of hatred in my life flood through my mind, blinding me. In Gaz, and my Father, I saw everything wrong with the human race.

It had to be eliminated.

You'd think once I'd calmed down, I'd regret what I did; hate myself for it. You'd think I would have questioned my sanity; my reasoning; everything. Zim asked me if I wanted to kill my family before we wiped out the rest of the human race. He didn't order me to do it. He didn't threaten or manipulate me. I had a choice. I could have said 'no, let them suffer along with everyone else. They're nothing special.' When Zim asked me, I didn't batter an eyelash. I was happy to do it.

Gaz may have died a lot sooner than I had hoped, but maybe deep down I think I made it quick on purpose. She was my sister; my own flesh and blood. Sure she had neglected me, abused me, hated me..

Fuck it, I'm not defending her. She died too quickly, didn't suffer enough. She didn't beg for her life like Zim had hoped. She was disappointing. I had been so determined. I had planned how I was going to do it; ran it through my mind a thousand times.

She died too soon, I wasn't making the same mistake twice. When it came to killing my father, I didn't hold back, didn't bother talking. He didn't deserve to know why he was dying.

He guessed soon enough.

As soon as he saw Zim, all the pieces fit into one.

'The professor's poor insane son; gay. In love with his strange, foreign-exchange-student friend. His only friend in the world.'


	11. Shrine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dib is all alone. He is but one in the never-ending darkness now encasing the world, this is all he has ever wanted. To not be constantly ridiculed or labelled as a freak. He slowly begins to reveal what has happened over the previous year, especially in the past two weeks, and as you begin to piece together Dib's broken memories, it becomes more apparent that Dib is taking a slow and dark descent into madness as his mind begins to unravel over his traumatic life.

**2 8 / 1 0 / 1 1  -  1 9 : 5 8**  
  
My Father deserved what happened to him. I honestly believed that I could never have made him suffer enough, I knew he would never truly understand. To him I was always his poor insane son.  
  
 _22nd October 2011, 23:19 - We broke into Membrane Labs moments after ending my sisters life. I wasn't happy about how she had gone, but it was too late for that, I had to focus on the task at hand and not dwell on the past. Like always._  
  
 _Zim had landed the cloaked Voot cruiser on the roof, the night air was bitter and the smell of blood made me unnervingly comfortable._  
  
 _"Tonight will go off without a hitch", his poor imitation of me had improved some. "Don't worry Zim I have everything under control."_  
  
 _"Zim you know what-" I received another deathly glare; I'd been getting them more and more lately. I suppose he was just on edge more than usual._  
  
 _"Don't lecture me human, you forget who you're talking to."_  
  
 _I sighed, "I just saved us a lot of time, why are you complaining?"_  
  
 _He looked me up and down, deciding it wasn't worth another argument when we were still on a tight schedule. He rose up on his spider legs and descended through an open vent. I had programmed his pak with schematics of the building. Or at least I had tried to and he hurt me, causing another fight for no reason._  
  
 _I followed after him as carefully and as quietly as I could; the compact space didn't allow me to make mistakes. The vents were suspended above large auditoriums and confined labs, one wrong move and the rust bucket would have collapsed._  
  
 _It took us around 20 minutes to find my Father's personal lab. Throughout all the useless crap my Father has invented the room below us was really quite something._  
  
 _Lining the north wall were vials and beakers of various sizes and colours that looked so delicate. The acid within could probably strip the flesh from the bone. I could have done with taking a few samples.The south wall was covered in gleaming machinery, looking more sinister in the dark room than they should have.The east wall, the wall we hung over, was a glaring computer screen. It lit up most of the room with different formulas and my Fathers shorthand scribbled all across it. Must have been one of those touch screen models, top of the range, as he was using a programme I had never even heard of. The whole sight was admittedly beautiful, perhaps even more so than Zims lab._  
  
 _The west wall however, throughout all of the inventions and high-tech unnecessary crap he had, was the most shocking. It was covered in photographs and newspaper clippings, at first glance I believed it was my Father being so idiotic as to have photos of  himself. Arrogant bastard. I was surprised he would do something so stupid like that, what did that have to do with real science?_  
  
 _I was confused for a few moments, until I realised it was me._  
  
 _I didn't believe my eyes at first, I thought that because the room was so dark my mind was playing tricks on me. I wouldn't have been surprised after what I had just done, but there was no denying it, my Father had an entire wall dedicated to..me?_  
  
 _The wall was covered in askew photographs, taken from far off buildings, trees and even strangers around me. There were also newspaper clippings of me in a crazy bucket, running away from explosions and being arrested, numerous times. Even a desk below the wall was dedicated to me in a way, there were reports and video tapes scattered across it. I had wanted to look at it but decided to not leave any evidence for whoever would have found my Father. Not that it would have mattered when the world was ending._  
  
 _Although gazing across this shrine to me was shocking, it wasn't nearly as disturbing as what I saw beside the desk. There were two test tubes, bubbling with green liquid, just big enough to hold a small child in. Within the frothing acid were rusted chains and a red light that scanned the inside of the tanks every once in a while._  
  
 _Just what sort of perverted experiments was my Father doing here?_


	12. Irken Technology

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dib is all alone. He is but one in the never-ending darkness now encasing the world, this is all he has ever wanted. To not be constantly ridiculed or labelled as a freak. He slowly begins to reveal what has happened over the previous year, especially in the past two weeks, and as you begin to piece together Dib's broken memories, it becomes more apparent that Dib is taking a slow and dark descent into madness as his mind begins to unravel over his traumatic life.

**2 8 / 1 0 / 1 1  - 2 0 : 1 3**  
  
Zim wanted chaos. He loved it, thrived in it. I think that's the best way I can describe what happened.  
  
I was more observant than Zim, always had been. I used to tease him and say that the time he spent bathing in paste had rotted his brain. He didn't understand Earth humour.  
  
 _22nd October 2011, 23:28 - When we were in my Father's lab that night, Zim was listening for footsteps and he kept his eyes glued to the door for any movement. My eyes were wandering around the lab, admiring the equipment.  
  
Then I spotted the west wall. That damn shrine dedicated to me.  
  
I gasped faintly, the shock of seeing such a thing along with those over-grown test tubes was too much. I racked my brain, trying to find the right emotion; trying to figure out how I should feel about all of this.  
  
Anger? Sorrow? Disgust?  
  
I wasn't sure, confusion twisted my stomach and sickened me to my core._  
  
You know when you're watching a film, and suddenly the story train-wrecks and time almost slows down? It's the best way I can think of to describe the events that unfolded.  
  
 _Zim peeled his eyes away from the door and followed my line of sight. His body went stiff. Frozen. A deep tribal growl resonated in his throat and anguish tore through his face. He looked at me, his eyes destructive._  
  
 _He struggled to keep his voice down due to his anger. "Where did you Father get those?"_  
  
 _I looked at him blankly, assuming he meant the photographs._  
  
 _"He must of sent people to keep an eye on me or something, I don't know. I don't like it, it's creepy as shit."_  
  
 _He clenched his fists so tightly it drew pale, lilac blood. I was shocked, I knew Zim was possessive, but to this level?_  
  
 _"No, Dib-shit. Where did your fucking Father obtain irken technology?_ "


	13. Real Science

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dib is all alone. He is but one in the never-ending darkness now encasing the world, this is all he has ever wanted. To not be constantly ridiculed or labelled as a freak. He slowly begins to reveal what has happened over the previous year, especially in the past two weeks, and as you begin to piece together Dib's broken memories, it becomes more apparent that Dib is taking a slow and dark descent into madness as his mind begins to unravel over his traumatic life.

**2 8 / 1 0 / 1 1 – 2 0 : 5 6**  
  
I'd like to say that when I found out what was really going on with my Father, why he spent so much time in that fucking lab instead of raising his own children, my feelings towards him changed. But that would be a lie. There wasn't a slither of doubt in my mind that a slow, painful death is what he deserved. Life would never be the same after seeing those damn hatching tubes.   
  
Maybe he thought I'd join him some day. Hah. Pathetic. No, I couldn't care less about his involvement with the Armada. I didn't want to hear his stupid excuses any longer; he'd been force feeding me his 'real science' bullshit for far too long. I was made to feel insane for believing in aliens when he was working with them? In his final moments, all I wanted was for him to admit that I had never been crazy, that I had always been right.  
  
And he couldn't even do that for me.  
  
 _22nd October 2011, 23:36 – I fumbled for words, something to say to Zim to stop that murderous look gleaming in his crimson eyes. I speechless;_ _shocked by that stupid shrine, the irken technology, everything. I opened my mouth to say something, anything, to calm him down. But it was no use. Nothing I could say would change what we had seen._

  
_"I won't – ask you again, Dib."_   
  
_I closed my mouth, wincing at the torture in his voice. The rough hesitation; the raw, animalistic need to rip my throat out. Or better yet, my Father's. It hurt me to see him like this, but the power and adrenaline running through him was arousing to say the least._   
  
_It couldn't have been more perfect, but in that moment my Father burst open the re-enforced steel doors. Only then did we both know what had to be done._


	14. Naive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dib is all alone. He is but one in the never-ending darkness now encasing the world, this is all he has ever wanted. To not be constantly ridiculed or labelled as a freak. He slowly begins to reveal what has happened over the previous year, especially in the past two weeks, and as you begin to piece together Dib's broken memories, it becomes more apparent that Dib is taking a slow and dark descent into madness as his mind begins to unravel over his traumatic life.

**2 8 / 1 0 / 1 1 – 2 1 : 0 8**  
  
I always knew Zim had been impatient. He was rather childlike when it came to dealing with his almost-human emotions. They overwhelmed him to the point where he usually just chose to hide behind a mask of anger and wrath; it was the only thing he did seem to understand.  
  
Maybe that's what was wrong with him. The fact that he simply couldn't handle feeling anything other then bloodlust, loyalty to the Tallests or even just twisted enjoyment of other's in pain. Whatever the reason was, I knew something must have snapped inside of him. It made everything else cease to matter for those few brief moments. It ripped through him like a spark igniting the cold, hard warrior within; it set the need to wipe out my pathetic race in motion. It became all too real.  
  
It's still fresh in my memory; the crushing of bones, the ruthless snap of his spinal cord. The glorious blood showering the all-too pristine walls of his miserable and desolate laboratory. My Father, my stupid fucking Father, was finally dead.  
  
I had waited so long for that moment, the indescribable feeling of having no attachments to Earth any longer. Now he was just another body in the ground, more blood on our hands. He could no longer dare to control me. I was finally free of the destructive life he'd given me.  
  
And yet, when Zim's pak legs shot out and shattered the computer screen; when I cut the power to the lights and the mechanical door frame, I did not feel accomplishment, only longing.  
  
 _22nd October 2011, 23:38 -- Shards flew and the electricity fried my Father. He was wounded, yes, but not to the point of death. Just like I had wanted Gaz to suffer, Zim no longer wanted his death to be quick. He wanted the great Professor to feel the merciless touch of an irken soldier. He wanted to hear him cry with fear; cower away from his vicious blows, trying to cover his face in a pitiful attempt at protection._  
  
 _My Father did not cry out in pain. His breathing grew heavier and his face and body was an unrecognisable mesh of blood and organs. He was not confused or scared, I could see it in his eyes that he knew we were coming. He knew that we were after him and that soon nothing would matter anymore._

_The bastard simply spat blood in my direction, and began laughing. Slowly at first, wheezing with every deathly hit Zim took to what was left of him, but it grew with a chilling ease. The madness within him was genuinely surprising. My Father was even more twisted then I was._   
  
_"You think – you..you think" He could not contain himself, and spat more blood out. Zim growled and used a pak leg to slice through his oesophagus, although he deliberately missed by a millimetre and simply punctured a lung. More blood welled up. Zim was warning him._   
  
_"He'll figu-"  more blood. "Fig..figure it—out" Zim delivered another painful blow via a pak leg to his digestive tract._   
  
_"Can't—hide"_   
  
_"SILENCE" Zim couldn't take it anymore. He shot out several pak legs, ripping through his measly crimson flesh, and threw him across the room into the south wall. He impaled himself on his own machinery and he slowly slid down the wall. Leaving a vile river of blood to pool around him, menacingly spreading outwards._   
  
_Zim turned to me, his eyes lost. The red haze that had descended over his eyes was gone, and in it's place, nothing. A grey emptiness in his bleak and unforgiving face. His mind seemed to wipe blank, an emotionless scowl on his face._   
  
_Zim's head turned to the side silently. And then the moment passed, and he stalked past me, grabbing my waist and ascending back into the rafters._   
  
_We began our gradual climb back to the surface in silence. A small buzz of commotion below us, the self-proclaimed genius' of Earth were patiently waiting for my Father to emerge from his Lab, with orders for them._   
  
_It wasn't until we had reached the roof, that the screams began._


	15. Failure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dib is all alone. He is but one in the never-ending darkness now encasing the world, this is all he has ever wanted. To not be constantly ridiculed or labelled as a freak. He slowly begins to reveal what has happened over the previous year, especially in the past two weeks, and as you begin to piece together Dib's broken memories, it becomes more apparent that Dib is taking a slow and dark descent into madness as his mind begins to unravel over his traumatic life.

2 9 / 1 0 / 1 1 – 0 5 : 1 2

The sun is just beginning to emerge over the horizon; the magenta hue of the sky set my heart on fire, I couldn't bare to watch its so-called beauty. I've been sat amongst the cold cinders and misshapen faces of those who doubted me for hours now.

I'm glad they're gone. I'm glad they're all gone.

They've all burned along with the pathetic remnants of my unfortunate race. It was pitiful to try and stop Zim; humorous really. Their attempt at turning a blind eye cost them their lives, which wasn't really much to begin with.

The destruction of the human race. It had been Zim's goal ever since his Tallest exiled him halfway across the universe. Zim had wanted to prove himself, and although he had left me a few nights ago on a burning field amongst screaming humans, I knew he felt he had finally accomplished that.

But he was wrong. No matter how he had left me, he had failed his one mission. I am the sole survivor of the Human race, possibly the only one worth living. Until my final breath he will remain a failure. It's a funny thing, loyalty. I have been devoted to Zim for so long now, going against his wishes or what would be best for him is so unlike me. The only way I could make Zim something in the eyes of his leaders is if his mission was truly successful.

I sacrificed my entire race for him. Surely one more life won't make much of a difference.


	16. "You Win."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dib is all alone. He is but one in the never-ending darkness now encasing the world, this is all he has ever wanted. To not be constantly ridiculed or labelled as a freak. He slowly begins to reveal what has happened over the previous year, especially in the past two weeks, and as you begin to piece together Dib's broken memories, it becomes more apparent that Dib is taking a slow and dark descent into madness as his mind begins to unravel over his traumatic life.

2 9 / 1 0 / 1 1 – 0 5 : 5 6

I've thought about it. Mulled it over. I always knew I would die for Zim; I laid down my life for his since day one. I never thought it would end like this.

It took me a while, but I briskly made my way through the demolished streets until I reached a crisp, brown field, painted in maroon that clung to the ground. It was clotted and messy. Like a scene from 'War of the Worlds'. I can picture Zims disgusted face at the filthy world my 'home' has become.

I could say that it's so ironic, I return to the one place it hurts the most. This field was the last place I ever saw Zim's face. The memory attached to the crimson earth was almost too painful to bare, but I'm somehow managing. I suppose I know I won't have to look at it for much longer, I'm going to remove every memory I have, every trace I've ever made. It's what Zim would have wanted.

Although I worked alongside Zim for so long, the past week went by in mere minutes. Our time together was so short and it was all a lie. He didn't love me; I was a fool to believe a ruthless killer could be cracked so easily. This is what he would have wanted; to complete his mission.

I can't back down now, I just need to be forceful, twist the blade and– I can't breathe. Probably my body's response to such a.. shock.

 

I feel cold. Empty. My grip is loosening but I can't stop. This is for you, Zim.

The darkness that once encased the world is now wrapping around of me. I don't think I've ever heard the silence quite so loud. The silence I once craved for is now the silence ringing in my ears, mocking me.

Goodbye Zim.

 

 

You win.

 

 

 

 

"Dib?"


	17. Extinction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My fanfiction 'The Silence' was from Dib's point of view, trying to explain what Dib thought had been going on, as his mind and sanity slowly unravelled til the point that he killed himself.
> 
> This epilogue is to explain what really happened.

**P A K . D A T A . L O G - E N T R Y   # 8 7 2 4 3 1 0 1  
P A K . D A T A . L O G - S T A R . D A T E : 7 . 2 9 4**  
  
I have begun the first phase of Operation Membrane. The Professor has already provided my Tallests with many results.   
  
They are pleased.  
  
 **P A K . D A T A . L O G - E N T R Y   # 8 7 2 4 5 3 0 2  
P A K . D A T A . L O G - S T A R . D A T E : 7 . 3 5 8**  
  
Operation Membrane bodes well. Soon I shall begin the next phase; capturing the Test Subject.  
  
Human Dib.  
  
 **P A K . D A T A . L O G - E N T R Y   # 8 7 2 4 5 7 2 0  
P A K . D A T A . L O G - S T A R . D A T E : 7 . 4 1 0**  
  
Phase Two is underway. Test Subject reacted as expected to environment changes. It has foolishly believed I was sent here in an attempt to be exiled or executed.  
  
Note: Humans are easily manipulated.  
  
 **P A K . D A T A . L O G - E N T R Y   # 8 7 2 4 6 0 8 4  
P A K . D A T A . L O G - S T A R . D A T E : 7 . 4 3 9**  
  
Test Subject has made attempts at close contact. Operation Membrane is taking excess time unexpectedly. Test Subject must be kept in line but cannot leave; the Operation depends on it.  
  
 **P A K . D A T A . L O G - E N T R Y   # 8 7 2 4 6 1 2 0  
P A K . D A T A . L O G - S T A R . D A T E : 7 . 4 4 1**  
  
I punished the Test Subject for it's insolence. My first taste of battle in two cycles. I repaired it enough so it would continue working.  
  
I injected the Prototype Gamma.  
  
 **P A K . D A T A . L O G - E N T R Y   # 8 7 2 4 6 1 2 9  
P A K . D A T A . L O G - S T A R . D A T E : 7 . 4 4 1**  
  
Phase Three is complete. The Professor has handed over all data needed for us. The Tallests have ordered me to tie up the lose ends; starting with the Test Subject's Nest.  
  
 **P A K . D A T A . L O G - E N T R Y   # 8 7 2 4 6 1 5 4  
P A K . D A T A . L O G - S T A R . D A T E : 7 . 4 4 3**  
  
Test Subject's mentality is barely stable; it is more easily manipulated every day. I no longer have to pretend, it protects me as it's Master.  
  
Prototype Gamma is successful.  
  
 **P A K . D A T A . L O G - E N T R Y   # 8 7 2 4 6 1 5 5  
P A K . D A T A . L O G - S T A R . D A T E : 7 . 4 4 4**  
  
Test Subject dispatched Nesting Partner. It took longer than expected. The Professor must be dealt with immediately before Prototype Beta release becomes widespread.  
  
 **P A K . D A T A . L O G - E N T R Y   # 8 7 2 4 6 1 2 9  
P A K . D A T A . L O G - S T A R . D A T E : 7 . 4 4 1**  
  
There was more bloodshed then previously planned; the Professor had stolen vital Irken hatching tubes and vials of Prototype Beta which he had begun releasing.  
  
I dispatched the Professor quickly. He almost exposed the Operation to the Test Subject.  
  
I must no longer delay my departure for the Massive.  
  
 **P A K . D A T A . L O G - E N T R Y   # 8 7 2 4 6 5 0 0  
P A K . D A T A . L O G - S T A R . D A T E : 7 . 6 0 2**  
  
Operation Membrane was completed. The Earthen Species has been exterminated. No Irkens have been sent upon the surface yet due to Prototype Beta contamination.  
  
Exposure has proven to be fatal.  
  
 **P A K . D A T A . L O G - E N T R Y   # 8 7 2 4 6 5 0 9  
P A K . D A T A . L O G - S T A R . D A T E : 7 . 6 8 3**  
  
The Tallests are displeased with the Professors findings. It has been discovered he leaked Prototype Beta into the Earthen Atmosphere; silencing all life and making the planet increasingly unstable.  
  
 **P A K . D A T A . L O G - E N T R Y   # 8 7 2 4 6 5 3 4  
P A K . D A T A . L O G - S T A R . D A T E : 7 . 6 9 1**  
  
Hundreds of casualties as contamtination spreads. The Massive has been moved out of current Galaxy to prevent further exposure.  
  
 **P A K . D A T A . L O G - E N T R Y   # 8 7 2 4 6 5 3 7  
P A K . D A T A . L O G - S T A R . D A T E : 7 . 6 9 2**  
  
I am being hunted. I have not yet contracted symptoms of Prototype Beta contamination and it is believed I released this biological weapon instead.  
  
 **P A K . D A T A . L O G - E N T R Y   # 8 7 2 4 6 5 3 9  
P A K . D A T A . L O G - S T A R . D A T E : 7 . 6 9 3**  
  
After many experiments aboard my ship I have discovered the cure for this virus. The self-reproducing cells found in the DNA of a thought-to-be extinct species.  
  
I must find the Test Subject; Human Dib.  
  
 **P A K . D A T A . L O G - E N T R Y   # 8 7 2 4 6 5 5 0  
P A K . D A T A . L O G - S T A R . D A T E : 7 . 6 9 3**  
  
Entering the atmosphere proved challenging. My biohazard suit will provide me with suitable conditions for my body to remain intact whilst upon this toxic planet.  
  
 **P A K . D A T A . L O G - E N T R Y   # 8 7 2 4 6 5 5 2  
P A K . D A T A . L O G - S T A R . D A T E : 7 . 6 9 3**  
  
I found the surviving human's location. It is vital I extract him at once.  
  
 **P A K . D A T A . L O G - E N T R Y   # 8 7 2 4 6 5 5 4  
P A K . D A T A . L O G - S T A R . D A T E : 7 . 6 9 3**  
  
Human Test Subject, Dib, took own life.   
  
Age 17.39.   
  
The reminants of Prototype Gamma have perished along with the human.  
  
The Operation has failed; my race itself, once overlooking the extinction of many races, now fears the onlooking storm in which we shall all expire. The only hope for my race lived within the beating heart of one stubborn little human.  
  
I have failed my Tallests and my race, but I am not prepared to give up.  
  
If there is some way to bring this Boy back, I shall find it.


End file.
